Today, I opt to use my legs to carry me back to my cozy apartment, literally. Don't ask me why. Perhaps I miss the days when we used to stroll down the road from MC to Utar campus in PJ. Remember the round-about, remember the unbearable stench from the factory, remember the furniture shop, remember the construction site, remember the way our body perspire like the day has been raining relentlessly on us. Reminiscence. The brown study, I call that.
At first, I decided to do what Richard suggested - to jog. I did, for a couple of distance when a call interfered. An old friend. And the caller is not a guy. You do the rest of the thinking and linking. You are good at it, aren't you? Then, I suddenly lost the urge to speed. I wanted to think. Thinking hurts my brain but I have no choice. I needed to sort things out. Sometimes, I plan a little way to ahead into future. But that's, in part, the reason that I am still standing today, unswayed. Perhaps. I like to be alone. I like to be part of nature. But that doesn't spells "anti-social" for me. I still join gangs. I remember once I asked one of my friends whether he saw my gang or not. With a confused look, he stared at me. "Which gang? You have so many gangs." Yea, maybe he is right. I don't really stick to one specific gang for too long. Maybe I do. Perhaps, it is due to my nature. I like to be a loner. Again, I don't know why. Maybe there is a gene encoding for "solitary behaviour" or something, I don't know. Humans are complicated. Well, not that their structure is but what they want to think themselves to be.
Sometimes, I revert to my old self. Wanting to be alone. Last time, I did that in front of my friends. Now, I learnt. I did it when I am really alone. I think better when I am away from crowds. Especially when I am walking. Alone, of course. Today, I resumed to my old hermit shell. When I was lagging behind my friends, I told them I have a weak heart and a soaring BP. Well, that's not a lie. But it only accounted for half the fact that why I resorted to ambling in lieu of jogging. I was trying to think. To mull over things in my head. I couldn't do it at home because only games, the Net and the books hit my mind back there. Walking, now that's the only thing that allows me to think. Also, it has been ages since I composed a poetry. I was also searching for inspiration. I found it. I found rain. It could be a cliche for people to pen about a gloomy rain scene. But I did it according to the exact feeling I had at that time - linking the thoughts and the environment as one entity. That's the power of words.
Sorry for those who are not familiar with Chinese. The poem is entitled 雨天的衬托 ("Juxtaposition of the Rain")
Here is a preview. For those who are critics or interested in poetry, go on and take a shoot if you want.
疲惫的身壳，拖着
阴沉的云海，衬托着
放弃一贯的依赖，引擎的工具
摒弃一向的方便，一切的替劳
啻为求一个能孤独的时候
在百车穿梭的道路上，寻求失去的部分......
(for more, click here)
At first, I decided to do what Richard suggested - to jog. I did, for a couple of distance when a call interfered. An old friend. And the caller is not a guy. You do the rest of the thinking and linking. You are good at it, aren't you? Then, I suddenly lost the urge to speed. I wanted to think. Thinking hurts my brain but I have no choice. I needed to sort things out. Sometimes, I plan a little way to ahead into future. But that's, in part, the reason that I am still standing today, unswayed. Perhaps. I like to be alone. I like to be part of nature. But that doesn't spells "anti-social" for me. I still join gangs. I remember once I asked one of my friends whether he saw my gang or not. With a confused look, he stared at me. "Which gang? You have so many gangs." Yea, maybe he is right. I don't really stick to one specific gang for too long. Maybe I do. Perhaps, it is due to my nature. I like to be a loner. Again, I don't know why. Maybe there is a gene encoding for "solitary behaviour" or something, I don't know. Humans are complicated. Well, not that their structure is but what they want to think themselves to be.
Sometimes, I revert to my old self. Wanting to be alone. Last time, I did that in front of my friends. Now, I learnt. I did it when I am really alone. I think better when I am away from crowds. Especially when I am walking. Alone, of course. Today, I resumed to my old hermit shell. When I was lagging behind my friends, I told them I have a weak heart and a soaring BP. Well, that's not a lie. But it only accounted for half the fact that why I resorted to ambling in lieu of jogging. I was trying to think. To mull over things in my head. I couldn't do it at home because only games, the Net and the books hit my mind back there. Walking, now that's the only thing that allows me to think. Also, it has been ages since I composed a poetry. I was also searching for inspiration. I found it. I found rain. It could be a cliche for people to pen about a gloomy rain scene. But I did it according to the exact feeling I had at that time - linking the thoughts and the environment as one entity. That's the power of words.
Sorry for those who are not familiar with Chinese. The poem is entitled 雨天的衬托 ("Juxtaposition of the Rain")
Here is a preview. For those who are critics or interested in poetry, go on and take a shoot if you want.
疲惫的身壳，拖着
阴沉的云海，衬托着
放弃一贯的依赖，引擎的工具
摒弃一向的方便，一切的替劳
啻为求一个能孤独的时候
在百车穿梭的道路上，寻求失去的部分......
(for more, click here)
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