Next station: 2011

1st of January, 2010:
Boarding the train by the name of "Year" of the "Timeline Service Ltd." from the terminal of "Station 2009/10".

Early 31st of December, 2010:
Alighted from the train at the terminal: "Station 2010/11". Switched to another platform, waiting for the next train while I get myself refreshed and ready by stocking up provisions and making up plans for the multiple long and short stops over the new journey.

Late 31st of December, 2010:
The train finally arrives. Same train - "Year" of the "Timeline Service Ltd." Leaving in moments. I have to hurry.

1st of January, 2011:
The siren is sounded. Boarding the train, now leaving for the stations that would end in the terminal "Station 2011/12".

* * * * * * * *

Summing up 2010 in gist:


1. Obtained my first class honours degree
2. Attended convocation
3. Learning the Korean language and culture
4. Job hunting - experienced my first and longest assessment/interview which lasted for approximately 3 months
5. Found a job in the current company

Oh, I have left out a very important one: embracing Soshism! This years is the year which I have converted from "aidolism"* belief (as in "atheism" - don't believe in God, hence "aidolism" is the lack of belief in idols) to "Soshism", a devoted "follower" of 9 angels - SNSD. I never had an idol which I "worship". Well, until now. Some asked me is it because they are: 1) cute; 2) pretty; 3) have enchantingly long 다리 (legs); 4) all of the above? Well, instead of choosing from the above, I prefer to reason it this way: They are adorable/lovable. They show respect for others, both 선배 (seniors) and 후배 (juniors); they possess strong sense and capability in entertainment; their vocal and dancing skills are impeccable (짱!); they care for the people around them, especially towards the unfortunate; they are modest but extremely diligent; and most importantly, they are very approachable and amiable.

These are among the reasons why I admire them and have made them integral to my blog.

I know, 2010 is not really a year of happenings for me but still, I am thankful. Whatever 2011 is going to throw at me, I will make sure my arms and mind are strong enough to embrace them.

A Happy New Year to you, dear reader. Don't fret if you don't feel happy; if happiness doesn't come to you, go for it and shower with it.

*Aidolism is a made-up term. Seriously. Don't use it in your writing lest you would be penalized for using a non-existing vocabulary. If you happen to use it and got accepted, then please quote me or acknowledge me in anyway. :P


Composed by,

Me = ?

How should I sum up my life since primary school till now?

Let's see: A prefect in school; a course representative in varsity; and now a QA exec. Most of my time is spent "helping", "monitoring" and "correcting" (or even "disciplining") others.

Me = law enforcer
or
Me = "got-nothing-else-better-to-do-but-to-pick-on-people"?

Composed by,

Don't Break It

It only takes one ill-spoken word to rupture a friendship.

Sometimes, one wrong gesture ruins everything.

Similarly, it only takes one step backwards to keep the friendship bond intact.

Don't act foolishly just for your own benefit at the expense of friendship. Now, you might get what you want. In the long run, you will lose close friends.

Friendship is like a wooden plank: once it is broken, yes, it could be mended with nails and glue but it will never be as strong as before.

Composed by,

Just take a bite

Don't dislike a person.

Given time, you will experience wonderfulness you never had before with him/her.

It's just like cheese and durian:

Now you may abhor the stench but it only takes an audacious bite to land yourself in wonderland.

Composed by,

Clutch for Support

Most of the time, all we need is to hold on to

something,

or someone,

to calm the raging seas deep within ourselves.

Composed by,

Life vs Ghost Trappers (FB)

Many of us refuse to dwell on chances. We hate playing with probability, unless it is the 90% to 100% rate that we are talking about. Of course, nothing much in life falls within that sanctuary.

Nevertheless, we still try to take our chances. Even if we know there is going to be a risk of failure, we charge on. All the time, we did not realize it until we hit the wall of fiasco/failure.

That is true. However, this is true too: we know we are betting or risking something in our life in every decision we make. But we try to make our chances of winning high. There is no definite answers or one-best-choice when it comes to decision making. Life is just not meant to be an MCQ paper. It has opinion-based, open-ended questions galore. If you think your answer is right, then live on with it, along with the consequences that come in a package.

So why compare our all-too-many-decisions-to-make-and-dunno-which-to-choose life to Ghost Trappers (GT)?

Go become an agent/player of GT and find out [here] for more vivid experience.

GT is all about taking chances and enhancing the variables that affects the final outcome in order to get a high probability of success. Choosing the right whisky, investing in the approprate trapping mechanism and magic circle, sealing the right contract and bringing along the most suitable and adorable companion are among the decisions to make in order to catch ghosts all the time.

GT is not a game where the player directly interacts with other players. Cooperation does exists between players but it is not played against each other (except for friendly challenges). In other words, GT is a game between you, the player, and the odds/probability of catching ghosts. You have to deal with losses, misses and dilemmas while waiting for success. It is a game between you and chances. But it is not all that random: you can enhance your chances of winning by making the right choices. That, is life. Fate and chances might control our lives, I do not agree or disagree that. But what I know is - if you do not try to make the decisions yourself in order to raise the bar of probability to a satisfactory par, but instead, leaving it to the laps of God or fate itself, then you are not living your own life, much less to the fullest.

GT reveals many desires of humans. One of them is to win, by challenging yourself to take risk and chances.

Oh, by the way, even if you have the best set up for GT, you still suffer losses. The right choice sometimes also has flaws. Nothing is infallible. Yeah, that's life.

Composed by,

Gratitude - To My Parents

Finally, That Tutor has spoken on something that make sense today despite his endless stories that either attempt to humiliate others or resenting the rest. He told us a story about gratitude which we seldom express to our parents. Though it is a bit of a generalisation but yeah, most of us take our parents for granted.

I don't. Every ringgit I spend I think about the work my father has gone through. Every sen I expend it reminds me of the effort my mum put into raising me up. I strive to get scholarships. I work hard in my studies. It's not because of wanting to be the top in class. The diligence and unyielding spirit that grow by me is mostly to reciprocate my parents' silent sacrifice. Every time I ask my parents to bank in money for me, the first feeling that surfaces in my core is guilt. But every time when my parents say, "Don't worry about the money. We will manage it. You just do what you think is best for you. And don't cut down on your meals", I know they will try to be thrift just for me and my bros. Every time I go back home, they let me and my bros have the good meals while they refuse to dig in. "It's okay, we can have it anytime we want but you guys only come back once in a while.", they say. But I know they won't have it anytime. Not at all.

Since young I seldom, almost never, bug my parents to buy me anything except for books. My cellphone is a hand-me-down which is still the conventional type. Nothing on me or with me is other than necessary. Even laptops and mp3 players are gifts from relatives. I know money doesn't come by easily.

It hurts just to ask for a hundred bucks. Hence, I am waiting for the day when I can earn enough to take my parents for vacations.

Pa, Mi, just give me a few more years. Just a few more years. This promise is made and sealed. Your son will not renege.

Composed by,

This Tutor

Sometimes his jokes are funny.

Other times, he uses a person as a joking material, which could be funny but hurting at the same time.

He also inclines to segue into his personal stories, which could be informative, entertaining and yet irritating at the same time.

He is a tutor who makes people love-hate him. But yesterday, we got to know one of his big secrets - he is afraid of SOMETHING. We found a weak point which we might use it one day to our advantage. Haha.... just joking. But thanks anyway for showing leniency in marking our midterm paper.

You guys should know who's that tutor... riiiiight?

Composed by,

So it's Monday all over again...

Aaahhhhhhh...... It's Monday and it's a whole new week - means have to wake up before the moon is down.

Sleep-late + wake-up-early regimen is sucking every pint of energy from the already fragile body of mine. But thinking of being able to laugh at conversations, chatting with friends, sneering/perli-ing friends (sorry ying chian, for couldn't help but to "bully" you. But you know la, I never mean to be so, well, mean. You know I am good to you, most of the time.) keeps me moving on.

Just trying to appreciate the people around me whenever I could. You never know what is going to come the next minute.

Composed by,

Ranting and Raving

I am trying not to appear whiny or anything like that but seriously, last week spelled so much problems and tasks that I, for a moment, thought that I was in a world where "breaks" and "time-outs" don't exist.

Though currently in the final year, societal affairs are like heat-seeking missiles to us. Till now, I am involved in about 3 activities, and still counting. I mean, WHERE, for the love of God, are the rest of other Utarians? First Aid? Sure the biotechs can do it. Ecofriendly? Sure, the biotechs can do it. Blah blah blah? Sure, go seek out the biotechs coz they can do everything (note the tone of sarcasm). Really need to head-hunt for more leaders-to-be. Our telomere caps will soon run out of length otherwise. Unless you can administer telomerase in capsules, which is, by the way, unfeasible and unrealistic.

Another thing that boils my head is the elective subject. Last week, we waited for 15 minutes in the sauna-turn-lecture-hall for the "much awaited" lecturer along with other courses. Fed up, I paid a visit at the office with the class rep. So, a course rep + a class rep embarked on a journey of "The Hunt of the Lecturer". We mentioned our "plight" to the officer and guess what? We were asked whether we attended the right lecture slot, were we seeking the right lecturer, how many other courses and could we name some of them that attended the same subject... I mean, do you really think we didn't check those through already??? And what are the odds for more than 1 course to be attending the wrong slot for a wrong subject at the same time? We should really considering enlisting "common sense" as one of the pre-requisite subjects nowadays.

After ploughing through all those nonsense, a call was made to seek confirmation. And what did we get? -- The lecturer happened to be 2-hour-drive away in Kampar. Unless she was a "kage bunshin no jutsu" user (Naruto fans should know these), or had abilities of Hiro Nakamura (Heroes fans should know him) or could emulate Daphne Millbrook's speed (again, Heroes fans should know her), I didn't see how was our lecture was going to be taught. The lecture was canceled and that piece of news landed on our fellow classmates with gasps, aghast, disbelief, bewilderment, uncertainty, dissatisfaction, oh well, name all the negative adjectives you have in mind.

All bad things aside, actually we also had a good time. Our Instrumental lecturer is very nice and apt at quoting anecdotes and analogies; our Phytochemistry lecturer is very energetic and charismatic; our Molecular Cloning lecturer is, well, still our good ol' Dr "T" who couldn't help but to emphasise his points with a generous serving of "K's" (short of "okay/OK"). Overall, this semester has less tests and reports. That means more assignments, people, we don't get to rest.

For our class, I am glad that it stays very much the same as it was last semester - not many left except for a couple or two. To the rest of us, welcome to Year 3 and happy surviving it.

Composed by,

Afterthoughts

The days on our back are tainted with several sad moments. Some are disappointment, some are hopelessness. Others are frustration and desperation all blend in one. Here is something for you to chew on if you are feeling that way:

......[W]e don't look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors & doing new things, because we're curious... And curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.

- Walt Disney

Our past serves as a guiding beacon but it is our forward-thinking drives us forward. Without the latter, our past is nothing but a pool of murky water that reflects the bygones. Think ahead. Think for novelties. That's what moves us forward.

Composed by,

Realisation

We tend to lament about our unfortunate happenings.

We want to put the blame on something or somebody - be it yourself or others - when something bad happens.

We always tie incidents to fate - or kismet.

We think too much of "if's" - if this didn't happen, if that were done, if I never did.... IFs...

We ask too many why's and when we don't get our answers, we sink into the uncharted depths of emotion.

From the film "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button", there is a scene where a flashback is played to show how the lead actress, Daisy, was knocked down by a car. A concatenation of events - a lady forgotten about her belongings and had to return home before going out again; a taxi driver not being punctual; a truck hitting the reverse gear out of the blue, etc. - sequentially led to the accident. The narrator said that if any of the events had not occur, Daisy would not end up having a fractured leg. BUT, in reality, everything has a cause and an effect. One thing leads to another. It is impossible to blame any of the events for an outcome that we do not desire. Everything is linked in a chain from the day we are born. The world and us, it is mutual.

Some said, all the connectedness is being dictated by the Higher order and it is often linked to FATE or KISMET. Others refuse to attribute their life to that one, enigmatic and abstract concept.

For me, I would say - is it that important to dwell on whether to believe in fate or not?

Fate or no fate, we still have to carry on with our life. When something bad happens, don't think of or relate it to fate. Everything happens because of the other things that lead to it. It is just that simple. If the outcome is bad, then do something about it - to lessen the effect, to counter the effect, whatever you can think of. You can't just stop there and contemplate about your fate or the wrongness of the occurrence because the chain of events has to go on. You can determine what went wrong, understand it, and keep away from it. Don't DWELL on it.

Maybe, you can argue that the fact that some of us feel sad about something bad and dwell on it is because it is just a human thing to do. Yes, I agree. But for your own happiness, for the dearest people around you, try to reduce the time for despondence. Find a friend to confide in. Or write it down in your diary.

The most important thing, is to move on. It is easy to say, hard to do. The world won't stop for you and you won't be able to make it stop too. Every time you stop, opportunities fly by - be it in relationship, career or studies.

Believe in these:
For everything you lost, you will have an empty space to hold for new opportunities.

For everything that goes wrong, you will have one less mistake to make in future.

For everything that breaks, you have a new excuse to get a better one.

For a broken heart, it will mend and beat stronger the next time.

Also, think positively. When something is wrong, believe it isn't. It is not wrong, it is just NOT right. It sounds like half-full, half-empty philosophy. But it shows whether you are optimistic or otherwise. The same thing can be viewed from different angles. If viewed correctly, your life can be redefined.

The reality of life:
Being full of uncertainties and problems, life sucks; thinking of life is being full of uncertainties and problems, now YOU suck. Which one to be, now you make the choice.

Nothing is better

Nothing is better than...
the rhythm of songs and the touch of lyrics
gently rock into your ears
with the earphone inserted,
it's as if the cacophony of the outer world
is being isolated. All you hear,
are the rock bands and singers in the corridors of your ears

Nothing is better than...
when the outside is frigid, the pressure is building,
the heart is sinking
then the warm water probing down its way in rivulets
from the shower sprinkler
releasing the knots beneath the weary skin
steal away every bit of fatigue
introducing elements of heavenly comfort

Nothing is better than...
wallowing in a pool of delicacies
swooping down at the plates without a single sense of guilt
gulping down colourful beverages without an iota of sin
pure indulgence

Nothing is better than...
holding the virtual rifles, looking through the scopes
and taking down the virtual enemies shot after shot
the splinters and deafening blasts of grenades
shattering the stressful clogs in the brain into smithereens

Nothing is better than...
communicating with the friends all over the world
coordinating attacks and defense on the cyberworld
managing alliances and towns, helping out each other
and smiling at the resources plundered from the idle villages around

Nothing is better than...
the last of the tests and the commencement of a brief break
to relax the tensed, to soothe the ruffled, to calm the agitated, to release the pressured

Also, nothing is better than to see my friends that I care so much, to wear that smile again. Some of them were so pressured and gloomy, some couldn't study because their mind was not happy. I wish I could help them. Now, many sighed in relief.

Also,

Thank you guys, for supporting me - as a friend and as a course rep - thus far. I appreciate your cooperation. We take pride in what Dr Anna has described us - the best of all biotech batches.

Exam Schedule

This topic has been an incendiary issue since last week. Of course, as a course rep, also as one of the spiritually-drained utarians who need to sit for exams, I need to voice out our dissatisfaction. Well, apparently all 4 bioscience courses are experiencing inappropriately allocated exam schedule. Along with Richard and Yong, we went to seek Dr Alan's help.

After 4 days, we went to see him again. He told us that the DEA had just finished collecting all the complaints and suggestions from all over the campuses and is processing the documents. (Wth, make us wait for 2 hours in SA just to learnt the news that they are still "processing"). That, would take days. Dr Alan said that the best case scenario is that we will be updated by this week. BEST CASE SCENARIO...

What I would want to say is that we had done our best. We suggested to span out the exam subjects evenly and appropriately while inserting our "lost" C&C subject back into our schedule. Since DEA is in PJ, it is kinda cumbersome to establish contact with them but Dr Alan did that for us. Anyone who has prejudice towards him, it's time for you to reevaluate your conception. Anyway, all of us did our best and now, all we can do is wait.

Everybody, cross your fingers and hope for the best.

Paradoxes

If animals can think and speak up, they must be wondering what queer creatures humans are. We are a species that contradicts ourself. Why?

#1

People are HAPPY when they are laid off during this financial tsunami. You read me? LAID OFF and HAPPY. Unemployed but happy, think about that. That's happening in Singapore where the laid-offs are compensated with a huge sum. For those who are nearing retirement, they describe the lay-off + compensation "package" as "better than striking the jackpot". Some people even LAMENT and asked why they didn't get laid off... See what I mean by humans are contradicting creatures?

#2
That's not the end of the story. Let's see something closer to ourselves. Happening right in front of our very eyes. Let's see. Yeah, Moral Studies. That's very, very contradicting indeed. You see, when we are taking (or forced to take) this subject, we are expected to learn how to be a citizen who uphold virtues and be moral by applying what we have acquired in the class. The big question is: Did we? No... To vindicate this, easy, just see how many souls are left in the seats during the Moral Studies lecture. Wait for another hour, do another head count. Then wait for another half. Repeat the count. Then, if you are patient enough, do the last head count at the end of the class. If nothing goes wrong or there isn't any intervention by the lecturer - like threatening not to give out the attendance list early or something like that - you should able to draw a negative exponential graph that starts off with an already low figure and ends with an even lower (almost ground-touching) figure. Geez, moral is really something grey at times - no distinct white/black.

#3

Students complain during the weeks where reports and assignments are expected to be due. They sleep late, ate late, bathe late and what-not late, rising up the next day like buncha zombies waiting to roam the streets. But the thing is, for weeks that there aren't any submission of homework of any kind, these complaining-beings still refuse to hit the sack even it is past midnight. Some even sleep LATER than what they used to do during the busy weeks. I think, the real reason behind all these nonsense is: STUDENTS are able to (or prefer to) sleep late but not due to formal academic stuffs but for FUN and RELAXATION. Ask them to play DotA till late night or stay up for Travian or go yumcha at some kopitiam, they would be more than happy to go. But ask them to do reports and assignments for the same duration of time and same late hours in a day, look at how their face sour up as if you have poured pure lemon juice plus strong vinegar on them.

Of course, I am also one of the kind that fulfills the behaviour mentioned above because I am a NORMAL, HUMAN BEING.

Anyway, posted 2 poems in Chinese, will do something English next time 'round.
Here they are: 冷箭 & 小小的

Preview

冷箭

筹划良久
通宵达旦的煎熬
焚膏继晷的鞭笞
受尽皎月，蟾光的喟叹
受尽旭日，熹微的怜悯 。。。

小小的

小小的
毫不起眼的银弹
只需 配以神速
庞然大物
皆应声触地
是霎时间。。。

When I walk alone

Today, I opt to use my legs to carry me back to my cozy apartment, literally. Don't ask me why. Perhaps I miss the days when we used to stroll down the road from MC to Utar campus in PJ. Remember the round-about, remember the unbearable stench from the factory, remember the furniture shop, remember the construction site, remember the way our body perspire like the day has been raining relentlessly on us. Reminiscence. The brown study, I call that.

At first, I decided to do what Richard suggested - to jog. I did, for a couple of distance when a call interfered. An old friend. And the caller is not a guy. You do the rest of the thinking and linking. You are good at it, aren't you? Then, I suddenly lost the urge to speed. I wanted to think. Thinking hurts my brain but I have no choice. I needed to sort things out. Sometimes, I plan a little way to ahead into future. But that's, in part, the reason that I am still standing today, unswayed. Perhaps. I like to be alone. I like to be part of nature. But that doesn't spells "anti-social" for me. I still join gangs. I remember once I asked one of my friends whether he saw my gang or not. With a confused look, he stared at me. "Which gang? You have so many gangs." Yea, maybe he is right. I don't really stick to one specific gang for too long. Maybe I do. Perhaps, it is due to my nature. I like to be a loner. Again, I don't know why. Maybe there is a gene encoding for "solitary behaviour" or something, I don't know. Humans are complicated. Well, not that their structure is but what they want to think themselves to be.

Sometimes, I revert to my old self. Wanting to be alone. Last time, I did that in front of my friends. Now, I learnt. I did it when I am really alone. I think better when I am away from crowds. Especially when I am walking. Alone, of course. Today, I resumed to my old hermit shell. When I was lagging behind my friends, I told them I have a weak heart and a soaring BP. Well, that's not a lie. But it only accounted for half the fact that why I resorted to ambling in lieu of jogging. I was trying to think. To mull over things in my head. I couldn't do it at home because only games, the Net and the books hit my mind back there. Walking, now that's the only thing that allows me to think. Also, it has been ages since I composed a poetry. I was also searching for inspiration. I found it. I found rain. It could be a cliche for people to pen about a gloomy rain scene. But I did it according to the exact feeling I had at that time - linking the thoughts and the environment as one entity. That's the power of words.

Sorry for those who are not familiar with Chinese. The poem is entitled 雨天的衬托 ("Juxtaposition of the Rain")

Here is a preview. For those who are critics or interested in poetry, go on and take a shoot if you want.

疲惫的身壳，拖着
阴沉的云海，衬托着
放弃一贯的依赖，引擎的工具
摒弃一向的方便，一切的替劳
啻为求一个能孤独的时候
在百车穿梭的道路上，寻求失去的部分......
(for more, click here)